To be a fly on the wall when women are talking to each other..
"Today I have eaten including but not limited to: one old fashioned donut and three cannolis." In response to a conversation regarding food having more meaning when reported...
"Men. A wide variety of attractive options walk the streets of NY! I am shell shocked." Compared to the men of Salt Lake City is what she really means..
"I never liked him. I just made out with him." This comment was made after said man was reportedly chatting up other women.
"I may have a real boyfriend!" Woman squeals on the phone to married sister.
"The couple next to me at Tryst studying for the GMAT's together are making me sick!! I hate them!!! ahhh!" This is code for..."I have just been dumped-I hate couples."
"I'm capping myself off at 10. Then lying to my husband with 3." Remember men multiply by 2, women divide by 2.
"I have pretty much ducked out of society-I keep my phone off and jsut check it on weekends, emails a few days a week and I have almost entirely given up cocktails and parties. I am telling myself it is just a disgruntled 30 yr old phase where I can't admit I don't enjoy my life as much as I use to." Said lady made it to 21 shots on her twenty-first. Enough said.
"oh god. please tell me I can sell that bridesmaid dress on ebay if I have too." I have the dress, are they gonna get married or not???
"Firstly. MARRIED. And then,devine on ski's, runs ( X company) and told me he fell in love the moment I kicked his ass on the ski hill :-) he was an instructor in his youth.....and, then offered me the official position of being his mistress." Recent divorcee swimming in treacherous waters.
"Babies are great--martinis are WONDERFUL!" Reported soon to be divorced girlfriend, lamenting that children were not to be had, but that cocktails were. En mass.
"Thank you for helping me release my inner bitch." A woman confides in her hairdresser, as the hair dresser never judges. Her anyway.
Lessons on relationships via Gchat:
me: You are not a victim. You are in total control.
girlfriend: thanks, sweetheart. i love you
me: He would be lost without you, probably living on the streets with his skinny jeans. Not paying child support and dating a girl named Tina
girlfriend: yuk!
me: yeah.
so you just remind him of that the next time he is getting upset.
Then give him 10 bucks and tell him to go down on you.
girlfriend: she would cheat on him of course
me: he has to work for it
girlfriend: ha!
you're a bitch
me: yah I know.
girlfriend: i miss you
me: that is what the boys say
I misss you too..
I just laughed hard
girlfriend: i did too, but I'm crying too and i have to do it quietly because we have a loft office
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